she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize