Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
