I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize