is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
