i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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