You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
