He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
