This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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