This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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