Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry lordofsquirrels hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(209): View more from California

kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

Fav 23 5651 1217
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

Fav 14 1439 3478
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(307): View more from Wyoming

I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

Fav 93 1938 9644
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.

Fav 15 5332 1389
share tweet
(415): View more from California

Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.

Fav 10 2802 1477
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?

Fav 8 1989 992
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?

Fav 6 1852 840
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(903): View more from Texas

Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test

Fav 3 792 384
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(602): View more from Arizona

At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil

Fav 0 58 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT