Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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