my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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