Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
