I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
