Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sext me about skeletons
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
