the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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