They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
