She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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