He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize