So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
