at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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