sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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