she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
