We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
