Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize