I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my phone needs a breathalizer
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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