I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
