did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
