I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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