If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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