So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
