I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
