One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
