This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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