look no pants
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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