im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
