Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
