Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
