i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize