She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
