i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
