It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
