shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
