Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
