Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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