How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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