I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
