He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize