he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
