david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will pee on everything he values.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
