The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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