one two three fourrrrnication!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
