I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
