He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
