I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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