Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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