Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think my moral compass just broke
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