it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
