We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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