i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize