im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
