Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
