3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
