Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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