he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
