Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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