All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
