I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
