just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
