They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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