I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
