We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize