things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
