Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
