can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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