next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize