I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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