Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
