In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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