I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
