ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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