just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
