just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize