hotel room ftw
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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