let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
