So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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