we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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