tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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