whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize