I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
