Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
