Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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