He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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