Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
