you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i've created a new STD.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
