Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
