We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
