Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
