i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
