If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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