Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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