Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
