I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
