Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
