You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
