There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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