i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
