ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
