she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
