I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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