just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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