I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
