Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
