Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
