My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
