Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
