I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
