weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
