Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
