This is not my ceiling
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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