So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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