tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
