you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
