2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
