Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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