if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
