yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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