Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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