We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
